I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He felt like a one man threesome
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She tied me up with her honor cords...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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