Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize