Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
