One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
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