My friends, they love my intelligence
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
