New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
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I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
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You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize