toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
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I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
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I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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