i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
