Who did Billy Mays play for?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
