So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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