Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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