I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
