Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
