Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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