Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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