You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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