My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
