...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
