Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
