is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Randomize
