My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize