I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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