He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
