Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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