Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
