Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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