I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I think your dad took our porno
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
