k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
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