apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I want her autograph on my taint
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
