Porn is love you can see.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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