don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
