What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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