She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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