Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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