I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
