Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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