Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
