he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
