If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
