It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
