my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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