Tell her she can't have a vagina
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
