this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
