I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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