What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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