Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
