So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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