I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
