the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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