my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
