You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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