I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
