as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
you had me at cake vodka
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
