Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
