Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
