Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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