what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
